Slow pays, no pays, whiners and complainers! They think they know it all, but can't turn on a computer.

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[size=x-large]CLIENTS FROM HELL![/size]

I dealt with one of them a few months ago. An online colleague saw what I was accomplishing with XOOPS and decided he wanted to convert his sites from phpNuke.

Going live before he understood XOOPS was not an option I wanted to mess with, so I convinced him to install locally first.

And then the problems started.

Here's a guy with 5 web sites who doesn't understand FTP, cut & paste, or where he saved the files on his computer.

I spent the next TWO WEEKS on the phone teaching him the in & outs of his computer, what right click does, how to upload files, and got him to download Filezilla and Filezip. I also converted a theme and a load of templates, set up the database and taught him how to back everything up. I also had to show him how to set up Google ads on the adsense homepage!

During the whole freaking ordeal, he's telling me I'm doing everything wrong and that this ";" is a colon and this ":" is a semi-colon. He uploaded modules into themes, themes into modules and decided to rename index.php to index.html because he "prefers html files."

I spent two days straightening the mess out.

Once that was done and the site went live, he apologized for giving me problems and said he was mailing me payment.

When his "payment" finally arrived, it's in a package the size of a shoe box and sealed with a mile of tape. I know this guy's rich, so I'm hoping it's stacks of $10 or $20 dollar bills. After what I went through, we both knew I deserved it.

It was a boxful of homemade copies from Old Time Radio shows - and they weren't even decent episodes!

I still get emails from him asking for this and that, but I haven't responded at all. I can think of better things to do - like beating my head on a wall.

Oh man... I totally feel for you! I've had my share of clients that make me want to pull out my hair but your client takes the cake. I don't blame you for not responding to his emails! Let's hope the first "payment" was his poor attempt at humor and his real payment will arrive Monday.

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"Hell is paved with good intentions, not with bad ones. All men mean well."

George Bernard Shaw


Hummm...

"If we do not help a man in trouble, it is as if we caused the trouble."

Nachman of Bratslav


While that...

"Labor to keep alive in your breast that little spark of celestial fire called conscience."

George Washington


Finally...

"Human beings, all over the earth, have this curious idea that they ought to behave in a certain way, and can't really get rid of it."

C.S. Lewis

---

“Hell isn't merely paved with good intentions, it is walled and roofed with them”

Aldous Huxley quotes (English Novelist and Critic, 1894-1963)

(..)

OMG! That client sure takes the cake alright. I would politely send a thank you for the cookies and include an invoice for your time. If you wanted to provide a "discount" put it on there too so he can REALLY SEE the true cost of what he got.

I would expect at least a $500 - 1,000 for all that. Especially if the guy has money. If you don't draw the boundry really clearly and early, everyone who is the slightest bit dysfunctional and/or unethical WILL take advantage of you. My belief is that we teach people how to treat us in many spoken and unspoken ways. I have personally learned this lesson a long time ago the hard way!!!

Then after the check comes. You can decide to say Sorry I am booked right now or work out a PRE PAY Support plan.

Good luck!

Quote:

Now you know how he got so rich

That is awful. There are some people that just shouldn't be allowed near computers. Give them typewriters and everyone will be happy

This story and the various comments made me chuckle from seeing people I've worked with. I try really hard to "be nice" and when I do I get screwed. It doesn't pay to "be nice" at the espense of being professional.

I do a site for a veterinary office and every year I dread renewing their account because I know they're going to ask for a ton of extra stuff, they'll want me to spend several hours training their staff on how to post a new article (RTFM -- Read the - uhh - fineprint - manual ), and they'll want me to fix their office computer. I always ask myself if its really worth it? Probably not.

Your comments technobia were entirely timely and a good reminder of valuing oneself, one's work, and one's professionalism.

I prey god you didn't show him this support forum!!!

My personal advice to avoid clients from hell is to get a signature on paper before you start. I ask all new clients to sign a client agreement. It is a simple form that says they agree to our terms and conditions (which is sent to them with the form). The T&Cs are pretty standard stuff, but significantly they point out that:

1) We won't come up with 'a few ideas' for free.

I always charge a nominal fee for preliminary design work. I'm prepared to go back to the drawing board to refine and develop ideas, but this must be paid for by the client. I try and keep the prelim fees low, but I always draw new client's attention to item 2)...

2) Copyright in our ideas including prelims remains with us unless agreed otherwise.

If you don't do this, a client may well take your design - not pay you - then use their nephew to throw the site together for the price of a cheeseburger. Should that ever happen, you can at least get your solicitor to issue a letter requesting that they 'cease and desist' pointing out that they are in breach of your terms and you have their signature. If you did decide to take legal action, that signature could clich it in your favour. Without it, the proceedings are likely to be protracted and expensive.

3) We will issue an invoice, a statement, a final demand and ultimately a notice of proceedings. On issue of notice of proceedings we reserve the right to arrest any ongoing work - which includes provision of web and email services.

After months of non-payment, I pulled a site temporarily last month and it certainly does get their attention.

And finally, taking a leaf from the book used by the utility companies, show that you *want* to help. Open a PayPal account. In the above case, I was able to say (in a chirpy, helpful tone of voice) 'If you want, you can pay via PayPal and your site will be back online immediately'.