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Hi frankblack. I understand your frustation with xajax. I used xajax in my modules in the past also.
I've since switched to jquery. It's so much easier to make ajax calls (and so much more)! You will be amazed how much time and effort you can save.
Want to include a php file in a certain <div> when a link is pressed? Here's the jquery code:
<a class="ajaxify" href="example.php" target="#container">Click here</a>
So now, when a link with the class (could also be an ID) "ajaxify" is pressed it will load file "example.php" into a target <div> (could be ul,table, etc) with id "container". It's really that simple.
In case your interested, here's the jquery plugin I'm using:
http://maxblog.me/ajaxify/demo.php