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I know there has to be a way to do this without having to convert my database over to yet another CMS. Calling a Perl script or another CGI program from within XOOPS wouldn't be much different. My problem isn't with whether or not it can be done but how to go about doing it.
Its more fundamental thing - better ask this not in "beginners corner" but some devs..
I know there are such technique as "remote procedure calls" or so - this way You can link scripts even on different servers.
but anywhay, why not learn PHP? :) (PHP5 has many of pythons features, OO and similar)
Don't worry, be happy :), & make things better ;)...