Friends*
**
*My heart felt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time
and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months.*
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and Healthy. Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on envelopes - cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.
Also, I scrub The top of every can I open for the same reason. Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because now I know it can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing characteristic.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer worry about my soul because at last count,I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five
minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on the Internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).
I no longer have any money at all in fact - but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special on-line email program.
Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favour! If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician.
DO IT NOW OR ELSE.
Happy Christmas or whatever you celebrate at this time of year.
PS. why do people forward all this crap in emails, do they actually believe it's genuine and that sending to so many people will bring them good luck?
for those people that do believe, it's really about time you did something useful and helped the people that really do need help.. like me for example.. i'm a poor guy who can't afford to run my BMW M5 anymore due to the cost of fuel, so if you're feeling generous, please fwd this to everyone on the planet as the fuel companies will track this message and then donate a million dollars to my save the BMW trust fund
